After four straight days of intensive training, my body desperately needed a break so I skipped Friday's open mat and went for an low key wrestling class on Saturday. Rolled with Dom afterwards and got it on camera, which I later watched a whole bunch of times to see where I'm going wrong. Looking at it, there are so many bad decisions going on and there are an equal number of things that I should be doing but am not thinking about in the moment. So it's good to reflect on my many incompetencies with a visual aid. Also, the 15 - 20 lbs I still need to lose? Yep, that really needs to go. Like, asap.

Monday was intense. Did a warmup roll with Thumper, who pulled some awesome sweeps on me, then paired up with him for takedowns. Later, we drilled by hand fighting round robin style. Went with Thumper first, then Curly, Lostboy and Schizo, who I didn't have much luck with but then again, he's been wrestling for a long time so it's understandable that he'd be good at, like...wrestling. Near the end of class, I switched to Lostboy for upside down D'arce chokes, which I did quite well with although he struggled a bit and did more neck cranking than anything else.

I've been training nonstop lately and am feeling so good, physically and mentally. We spent Monday working on knee-on-belly transitions (having trouble with those...not quite acrobatic enough yet) and kneebars, which I enjoyed. The guy I paired up with was big, which doesn't usually bother me except that some of the moves required sitting on the other person's stomach or chest, full weight, and it really fucking hurt. So towards the end of class, we split up and he worked in with another pair of big dudes while I joined Frodo and Yanitza. I think it was far more beneficial to both of us that way. Stayed for open mat and rolled with everyone, including Ironman, who did the usual leaning back casually with his head in his hands and kicking me across the mat every time I tried to pass his guard. At one point, I did pass and even got to mount. Unfortunately, I was so proud of myself that I completely forgot what to do from there and he eventually just sat up and threw me off again. Dammit.

1) Stop saying Oh shit, I'm sorry! or variations thereupon. Remember that everyone is there to learn. Constant apologies for utter incompetence, smacks to the face, accidental junk grabs and so on are unnecessary. As Trek so eloquently put it, "If you kick me in the eye or smash the groin, unintentionally - or especially intentionally - you should be sorry. Definitely be sorry if it's intentional. Otherwise, don't be." Apparently, I'm too nice. This is news to me. I'm usually an insensitive, mildly sociopathic asshole. Must work on finding a happy balance.

2) Stop belittling my own progression. When I do something right or pick up a move fast, stop assuming that I just got lucky, that it was especially easy, or that my partner let me do it. Sometimes that's the case, but lately I've been doing fairly well all on my own.

3) Remember that some moves will work great and some will not, depending on technique, partner, mood and other factors. It's not a life-destroying setback if I get one move or variation down but am not immediately successful with another.

4) Stop destroying partners during drills. Just because they're big doesn't mean they don't need time to learn the move too. Goal: go a full session without Christian saying "Go easy, you're just practicing here! Control the blood lust!"